I faked an abortion last night.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
