I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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