Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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