May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
