I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
