the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
