oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
