Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
