she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize