He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
