stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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