So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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