tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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