I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
