Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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