When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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