we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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