I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
