I got chris browned last night
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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