I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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