im gay
i know
yea but for you.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
