The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
