I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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