he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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