I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
