Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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