even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
