Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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