Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
