who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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