So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
