It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
