Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
