No stitches, just platelets and will power
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
