Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
