i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The power of my boobs compel you
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize