Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
