I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
