This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
