good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
