i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
