Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
the raccoons are back...
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