I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
