Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
