I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just want nice things and good sex
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
