They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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