i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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