My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
