he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
