I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
