and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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