I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
