Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
